Coming to Terms

What if being with me 

isn't the best way to make you happy?

And if letting you go 

is the best way to show you I love you

I will

its gonna tear me apart moving on

but it tears me apart to hold on

to a thing, that wasn't mean't to be

I'm coming to terms that I may never know how you feel about me

and if you think about me

and I'm coming to terms that I may never ever feel whole without you

like theres a hole without you 

here

You were always in love with

somebody other than me 

chasing a heartbreak

cause you never saw me

or did you?

and maybe I don't want to know

you never thought of taking me home

a thing, that wasn't mean't to be

I'm coming to terms that I may never know how you feel about me

and if you think about me

and I'm coming to terms that I may never ever feel whole without you

like theres a hole without you 

here

it's gonna hurt to walk away

never knowing,  if I asked

what you might say

I'm coming to terms that I may never know how you feel about me

and if you think about me

and I'm coming to terms that I may never ever feel whole without you

like theres a hole without you 

here

I just want you happy 

Im coming to terms with

that's not with me 

Talk About

 Now you're just the one I talk about when someone brings up pain. 

When to Let Go

When to Let Go

It's such a difficult thing to do.

To look at someone who makes you incredibly happy, but also causes you undeniable pain and say to myself, "I am moving away from you."

But it's an action I must take if I care about my mental and emotional health. It doesn't matter how happy they make me, if they are also the cause of my sadness then I must leave and not return until I can be just happy in their presence. 

And if that never happens, if I can never be just happy with them by my side, if the pain will always follow the happiness that they bring - then I must accept that this was as far as this person was meant to stay in my life. and that is all.

Sometimes, the most worthwhile lessons are the hardest, and leaving is the most difficult out of those. But to love myself, I must learn to let go of the ones who cannot give me the love that I deserve. Who makes me second guess myself and their actions. No matter how hard it may be. 

And here I am

years later

searching endlessly

for a sign

you may have loved me

Then I Met a Girl

I met a girl

She changed my life

Now I drive a little slower down HWY 69

I'm staying home more

I drink a little less

and I may not be perfect, but I'll always do my best

I'm all up in my feelings

my stomach's doing swirls

and I thought I had it all figured out on this Earth

Then I met a girl

Dementia

I put up pictures on the dresser

as a reminder of better days

I brush your hair the way you used to

You always liked it a certain way

I retell old stories you found funny

recount the trips we used to take 

Ill admit its more for me than you

you wonder who I am these days

Just a kind and loving stranger

she'll play all your favorite songs

she'll make soup the way your daughter did

sometimes she'll hold you in her arms

She'll hug you hello and kiss you goodbye

and make your favorite tea with honey

she'll fill my shoes, and tell you "I love you"

if you ever forget that you love me

I'll change out the Golden Girls DVD

and replace it with another

you know every line by heart

it's one of the few things you remember  

and for a moment, life feels normal

so I just let myself pretend

Cause any second now you'll turn around

and you'll ask me who I am again

Just a kind and loving stranger

she'll play all your favorite songs

she'll make soup the way your daughter did

sometimes she'll hold you in her arms

She'll hug you hello and kiss you goodbye

and make your favorite tea with honey

she'll fill my shoes, and tell you "I love you"

if you ever forget that you love me

Box of Memories

Today I was packing up my life

Cause ill be be moving in June 

I was going through old boxes

and just throwing out old shoes

When I came across some pictures

that I start flipping though

and had to take a seat for a minute

when I found one of you

It was the winter of two thousand twelve

I remember that night, how it felt

and I was dressed up as Mickey Mouse 

and she was dressed as Minnie, herself

Who would have thought a bunch of old things

Could make an old would start to bleed

cause right here is our story, every page

they're right here, in this box of memories

Just two kids trying to have fun

Working every night, tryna earn a buck

just my luck, I didn't know it then

it would be the only time, I would ever hold your hand

we were just two characters 

and we were tryna play our parts

just giving back to the kids

when really I was giving you my heart

It was the winter of two thousand twelve

I remember that night, how it felt

and I was dressed up as Mickey Mouse 

and she was dressed as Minnie, herself

Who would have thought a bunch of old things

Could make an old would start to bleed

cause right here is our story, every page

they're right here, in this box of memories

A picture of us holding hands

A picture of us walking away

Im proud I had the guts to put

my hand at the small of her waist

Just two teens figuring out who they are

and it'll take years of finding out who they aren't

and when they comes to terms with all the facts

they realize that holding hands was never an act

It was the winter of two thousand twelve

I remember that night, how it felt

and I was dressed up as Mickey Mouse 

and she was dressed as Minnie, herself

Who would have thought a bunch of old things

Could make an old would start to bleed

cause right here is our story, every page

they're right here, in this box of memories

and now ten years have gone and went

We talked for a minute and then I left you again

too scared to tell you what I really meant

and for the rest of my life you'll be my biggest regret

Cause i never held Minnie's hand, I held yours

and I didn't do it for a buck, I did it for more

It was my senior year and I was moving away

and I didn't tell you then like I didn't today

It was the winter of two thousand twelve

I remember that night, how it felt

and I was dressed up as Mickey Mouse 

and she was dressed as Minnie, herself

Who would have thought a bunch of old things

Could make an old would start to bleed

cause right here is our story, and here they'll stay

right here, in this box of memories