I'm missing you today. More than most days. I read through some old texts messages and one of the messages was just you telling me you were fooling around with some girl and you had taken her jeans off and I just kind of stopped reading from there. I don't know why it hurts about as much as it did 4 years ago but my god does it. I'm sure it's because I never actually got any sort of closure for it. I don't know though because I do know the answer. You never loved me like that. I was the friend zoned best friend and that is all I ever was. What helps these days is I don't really find you attractive anymore. There I said it. It makes me feel bad but it's true. You're not my type. Although neither is she really. Your personalities are so freakin infectious I just can seem to bare to let either one of you go. Maybe that makes me a bad person. I'm not sure. I'm not sure of much of anything anymore. I sit in this dark basement and can barely watch the TV. I just don't care about anything and at the same time I care sooo much about some things. I feel miserable. I thought a new job would fix it honestly but it hasn't. If anything, it's worse. I think having my own place will help but I'm starting to worry it won't. I worry that she will change her mind about the place, about me really. She's not like you. You were always sure.
