Remember THIS

Remember these feelings when you're missing her. Remember that you want her to heal and that you want what's best for her. Remember that you deserve to feel love to and that you deserve someone who will hold the same amount of space for you. Someone who will make sure you don't go to bed upset. YOU deserve that and you deserve the same amount of care and love you give to others. Remember the effortless, endless tears that would so often flow from eyes because you loved her so much but couldn't figure out how to love her. Remember when you showed her that you missed her and that you needed her that she got freaked out. It's okay to need somebody. You needed her because you loved her. You didn't love her because you needed her. Remember these feelings. 

We had such a good day and we kept putting off the "heat emoji" which was fun to look forward to having a moment with you and to end our day like that all snuggly. But i had to be dumb and mention my ex and not just my ex but literal sex with my ex and i felt so bad cause that wasnt my intentions 

i just wanted to take the time to get to know you and your turn ons better but then you were done. And Im glad you were fine but I had hours more until i could sleep and my last literal thought was sex with my ex which was uncomfy and then after i expressed that you said if it makes you feel better im gonna whack off to a story about you and another ex. So i was sitting with both those thoughts and i just hoping to end a good day with just you and me connecting and I was left with thoughts about sex with my ex. Thats my sob story. 

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Like Im struggling with our communication. Cause I care for you so deeply but i just get left feeling not good so many nights cause well have a misunderstand and i just feel like my feelings get trumped by sleep and thats hard to fight you on. Cause im not gonna be a dick and say no you cant sleep until this is dealt with. But like, just in the last week its “i dont feel comfortable sending you a pick of me in my underwear.” “No wories and no correlations but im going to bed.” So im left with that shit feeling.

Or were talking about intimate turn ons and im clarifying i dont want to talk about sex with my ex and you say “its all good but im sleepy” and then when im upset you ask why and I say cause the last thing we talked about was my ex and you said if it makes me feel better im gonna whack of to a thought of you having sex with another one of your exs.