Didn't Plan For This

I didn't plan for this to happen

I don't know where it came from

sitting watching "When Harry Met Sally"

and wondering if you're thinking about me

I'm not sure what changed, who changed

if in anyway, who's to blame

I'm not naming names, I'm just mad that

of course id be the one to fuck up a good thing

and I haven't even told you yet

but it weighs on my mind 

like Marius on Cossette

and I'm just feeling upset 

cause the second it's said

I know that reset

will not be an option

but I can't just drop it either

my texts are getting deeper

I want them to be perfect.

I want to show you that I can be smart

that I can be funny

and that I can be more than just your buddy

and maybe while reading through all these thoughtful texts

you'll find that you actually love me

like I love you

I hate to even think about you in that way

and I don't mean that bad, 

but once it's been said then I can't take it back

it's just that we've been best friends for nine years

so why would I fall for you now and ruin that?

I wish I would have fell for you when we first met 

but life ain't easy or at least it hasn't been yet

I'm filled with regrets and I'm standing here now

feeling embarrassingly obsessed with you 

and I just want to scream it from the rafters 

but for now i'll just settle on writing it down 

cause then I'll still have her 

and maybe that's all that matters 

love is good

love is kind

love is messy

but its a blessing

and maybe in time you'll see it too

or am I a fool

cause while I'm falling for you

you're falling for her 

and she don't even love you 

so you tell me you're hurt

unsure of what you deserve

tears fall to my shirt while I hold you

tell you I love you

you say you love me too 

like we say everyday

in a truthful but platonic way

nothing has changed

in any way, and I'm to blame

so say my name. I'm just sad that

of course id be the one to fuck up a good thing 

Watching "When Harry Met Sally"

sitting wondering if you're thinking about me

I don't know where it all came from

I didn't plan for this to happen 

Hurts

I wish I didn't feel the way I did

I'm not even sure where it all came from

Now I light up when you text me

and I can't wait to see you again

It's been 3 years now and I'm kind of nervous

Will it be as easy as it was before

I have feelings for you but I will never tell you

Cause I'm so convinced you don't feel them too.

I'm your friend. 

That's what I am to you. 

And I know that. 

Deep down I know that.

I'll admit that sometimes I let myself think that the feeling is mutual

I should stop writing all this now or it's going to make things worse when I see you

but you send me all these songs

and I love every single one.

But it's about her and not me and I know that

I'll admit that sometimes I let myself think that those songs are about me.

but I'm just your friend and deep down I know that

and I don't really mean it when I think in my head that I'd be better off not being friends with you

but sometimes I do mean that I guess

cause it hurts when you send me songs about her. And her not being the one

and you're wanting to move on

but even when you're moving on I'm not the one for you

It hurts to hear those songs 

but Im so fucking excited to hear from you that I don't even care

thats probably love but I won't ever admit that out loud.

Why after nine years would my feelings suddenly change?

I can't expect yours to do the same. 

So I will love you from a distance

Someday I'll regret the distance I'm sure

it's just that loving you hurts.

These Days

I haven't seen you eat much these days

Say you're just not hungry now

You face is one floor down

your feet drag on the ground 

I know thats it's been harder

these days

I haven't seen you smile much these days

Say you're super tired now

Like you haven't slept in weeks

and your days are on repeat

I know that it's been harder 

these days

I haven't heard you singing much these days

Say you're sleeping more than singing now

I listen to the songs you sent

wondering what they all mean't 

I know that it's been harder

these days