Hurts

I wish I didn't feel the way I did

I'm not even sure where it all came from

Now I light up when you text me

and I can't wait to see you again

It's been 3 years now and I'm kind of nervous

Will it be as easy as it was before

I have feelings for you but I will never tell you

Cause I'm so convinced you don't feel them too.

I'm your friend. 

That's what I am to you. 

And I know that. 

Deep down I know that.

I'll admit that sometimes I let myself think that the feeling is mutual

I should stop writing all this now or it's going to make things worse when I see you

but you send me all these songs

and I love every single one.

But it's about her and not me and I know that

I'll admit that sometimes I let myself think that those songs are about me.

but I'm just your friend and deep down I know that

and I don't really mean it when I think in my head that I'd be better off not being friends with you

but sometimes I do mean that I guess

cause it hurts when you send me songs about her. And her not being the one

and you're wanting to move on

but even when you're moving on I'm not the one for you

It hurts to hear those songs 

but Im so fucking excited to hear from you that I don't even care

thats probably love but I won't ever admit that out loud.

Why after nine years would my feelings suddenly change?

I can't expect yours to do the same. 

So I will love you from a distance

Someday I'll regret the distance I'm sure

it's just that loving you hurts.