Feelings

The last couple days I found myself at a point where I think I might be able to get over you

That my mind is finally allowing itself to think about someone else besides you

But while I may have been thinking of others things

keeping myself busy

I find that while I am thinking that my hands are still focused. 

That my emotions are still driving down a bumpy road.

Cause while I may be out with friends

my hands are still looking up your latest post

and my heart still skips a beat when I see you listening to music right now

and though I feel like it's a win to privatize my own listening 

the lyrics of my songs still tell the story of a girl that mourns the loss of a heart 

she never held 

and while I may feel like Im finally becoming detached

my eyes are still glued to the TV screen of the show you recommended me to watch.

My mind feels nothing 

but my hands still feel the warmth you left on your side of the bed 

that I still haven't slept on 

I laugh at the bar with my friends 

but I scream in the car all alone  on the way home

and even then

I still think I am at a point where I think I might be able to get over you.

I still want you. More than anything.

But your absence isn't destroying my heart anymore.

I think about you all the time.

But I think about other things now too.

Before, I couldn't bare the thought of letting go of any part of you that made me feel something.

Like the lump in my throat when I see you

not knowing when ill get to see you again

the tears in my eyes knowing you're probably in someone else's bed right now

the heaviness in my lungs when I try to sing along to the songs you still send me 

that I know are about her and not me

but I tell you how much I love them anyway

because my heart still summersaults when I see a text from you on my phone

There are so many things I don't want to feel anymore