Sometimes

Sometimes when I sit down and really let it register

it gets to me

I mean really how could it not with all the things I've seen?

Not sure who's handling who

cause lately I think that it's handling me

I put a lid on that shit

but it still follows me 

My head to the ground but I'm crying out

doubt they care anymore

just another girl breaking down

Put a gun to my head and lower it down

maybe Im better off dead but Im still finding out

Feel alone in this shit, but I pushed them all out

Thats on me, so I'm stuck on this route

Drove back home to breathe in the countryside

thought getting away would help ease my mind

Had a talk with my pops but it fucked with my head

he said, people used to just get over trauma

he said, get over it, theyre dead

lots of people die but we all move ahead

he said, it's my fault it festers and help is for the weak

I left that countryside in the dust and haven't seen him in weeks

Sometimes old men just speak to speak

he used to kiss me on my cheek and tell me goodbye

he used save me from the monsters that lurked in the night

now I'm cheek to cheek with the monsters and need you as a guide

Dad, where did you go? You were always by my side.

Guess your jurisdiction is under the bed 

and I'm on my own with everything inside and the thoughts in my head

Dad, I'm scared. 

But you tell me just get over it

Barrel to my head

It's getting harder to lower it